Mix n Match
by falln-angl
Summary: Chris likes Steph. Lita likes Helms. Problem? Steph and Helms are together.
1. Prologue

Dedication: To Selene.

** Mix n Match **

Prologue

Chris Jericho stared at the newly divorced Stephanie McMahon, and sighed wistfully. He liked her. A lot. Too bad he had been way too late in discovering his feelings for her, having given Helms had blown in and swept her off her feet.

Beside him, Lita stared at the newly renamed Greg, and sighed wistfully. She liked him. A lot. Too bad she had been way too late in discovering her feelings for him, having given Stephanie the opportunity to stroll into his affections and into his life.

'We're a sorry sight, aren't we?' Chris said, his gaze not moving from the couple on screen.

'We sure are,' Lita agreed readily.

They watched in more silence. Greg won the European Championship Title. He motioned for Stephanie to join him in the ring, which she readily did. They hugged. They kissed. They were happy.

Chris sighed again. So did Lita.

'Okay, this is really pathetic,' Lita said suddenly, jumping off the bench and whirling to face Chris.

'You can say that again,' he said dejectedly.

She groaned. 'Chris, get up! We _have_ to do something!'

But he continued to gaze at his lady love, watching as she and Helms made their way towards the back, their arms around each other. He sighed. 'What can we do?'

Lita began to pace in front of him, which he didn't mind too much now because Stephanie and Helms were already off screen. Which meant they were already backstage. He didn't want to think about what they could be doing to celebrate. He turned his attention to his friend.

She had a look of concentration on her face, her brows knitting together in thought. 'Let's see…well, the two of them have only been with each other a few weeks, right?'

'Two weeks, six days, and twenty hours,' Chris nodded.

'So, that means that they aren't in that committed part of the relationship yet. You know, around this time, things happen. Other people might become involved.'

It was his turn to frown. 'Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?'

Lita turned her eyes on him, a spark of mischief in them. 'What do you think I'm suggesting?'

'We kidnap Steph and make her fall in love with me!'

She rolled her eyes. 'Get serious, Chris.'

'I am serious!' he insisted. It really wasn't such a bad idea. If they kidnapped Stephanie, kept her in his room, made her see how truly lovable he was, then he had a chance. It was a good idea, damnit!

'No, what I meant was that we try to- No, we _do_ break them up.'

Chris looked thoughtfully at her. 'Well, okay. But if that doesn't work, I'm going to go ahead with the kidnapping. I think it would work best for me.'

'And how does that help _me_ get Greg? He's probably going to be too busy being frantic about Steph.'

'You can be there to comfort him,' he suggested.

Lita smiled at the thought, a dreamy expression appearing on her face. 'Well…that _might_ work…'

'It _will_ work!'

'No, let's go with my plan first.'

Chris sighed for what felt like the seventy-fourth time for that night. 'Okay. We break them up. Any ideas on how to do that?'

'Um…no?'


	2. Plan One - Operation Break Up

** Mix n Match **

Plan One – Operation Break Up

'Okay, who do we want?'

Lita looked uncomfortable as the two of them looked down at the list of possible women to 'seduce' Helms. 'How about Terri?'

Chris rolled his eyes. 'Only because you know he hates her already. Trish?'

'Nope. Jeffery will kill us if he ever finds out, which considering how close those two have gotten lately, I won't be surprised if he does.'

'Ivory?'

'Um…bad idea. They parted on not so good terms.'

'Stacey?'

'Isn't she dating Stasiak?'

'How the hell should I know? They're together, they're not. They're together, they're not.'

Lita rolled her eyes at him. 'Whatever.'

'Torrie Wilson?'

She said nothing.

Chris grinned, shaking his head. 'Torrie it is then.'

This time, she grinned at him. 'Ha! Your turn. We need a guy for Steph now.'

He shot her an evil glare. 'I still think the kidnapping thing would work.'

'No, we've got plans. Plans are good. Plans don't get you arrested. Let's stick to the plans.'

Chris muttered incoherently to himself, which Lita happily ignored.

'Okay…a guy for Steph. RVD? He seems to have a crush on her.'

'No!'

'Uh huh…Booker T?'

'No!'

'Right. Rock?'

'Definitely not!' He paused. 'Would he do it if we asked him?'

'He does seem to have been paying a lot more attention to her a lot lately.'

'No!'

'Rhyno?'

Chris snorted. 'That so called man-beast? I think not!'

'Chris! Do you want them to break up or not?'

'Of course I do!'

'Well, we need a guy for Steph!'

'But…'

'Now, stop being such a baby. Next guy I pick will be the one, okay?'

He glared at his so-called friend. 'Fine.'

'Deal?'

'Deal.'

Lita grinned. 'Good. I pick…Edge!'

Chris eyes widened. 'But…but…she _likes_ him already!'

'So, that's just a bonus. And maybe we won't even have to pay him, considering he likes her as well.'

Chris glared at her. 'Evil bitch.'

Lita smiled sweetly at him. 'Thank you.'

*

'Torrie.'

The girl smiled brightly at him, her eyes lighting up. Chris had to blush. 'Hi, Chris!'

He smiled back. 'Can we, uh…can we talk?'

'Sure!'

She certainly was bubbly. 'Well, a friend of mine needs a little favour.'

Torrie's smile dimmed slightly. 'Oh?'

'Yeah. Myself, I have no idea what's going on, really. Just asked to pass on a message.' Chris and Lita had both decided to pretend to work as intermediaries, just in case someone figured out what they were up to.

'Okay, then.' She looked suddenly very unsure.

'Oh, don't worry! It's nothing too bad.' He sighed for effect. 'I don't even know why I'm doing this… Anyway, this friend of mine says that a certain someone has an interest in you.'

'Really? Who?'

'Greg Helms.'

'Hurricane? Isn't he with Stephanie?'

'You see, this friend has an interest in Stephanie's happiness, and this friend hates seeing her with someone who is interested in someone else.'

'Basically, your _friend_ wants me to break Steph and Greg up?' Torrie looked at him shrewdly. 'What's in it for me?' She was smarter than she looked.

'A hundred bucks.'

'Two.'

'One-fifty.'

'Two.'

'Two.'

*

'How'd it go?'

Lita grinned. 'Perfect. He pretty much jumped at the chance!'

Chris groaned. 'Just great.'

'How much does he want to get paid?'

'None. He just wants free reign over what he does.'

Bad news, some good news. 'Damn! Well, that's good then. Torrie wanted two hundred.'

'Expensive whore.'

'Don't say that. She's really nice.'

Lita narrowed her eyes. 'I said, expensive whore.'

Chris just smiled sweetly at her.

*

Two days into their plan, and so far so good. Actually, things were going way too good. Stephanie and Helms had their first little argument, and Torrie and Edge just happened to be there when it happened. As planned, Stephanie was comforted by Edge, Helms comforted by Torrie.

Everything was going as planned.

Damnit!

Stephanie and Edge made quite a stunning couple, which made Chris even more jealous. Helms was being quite attentive to Torrie, which made Lita see red.

Not good. It was working _too_ well.

Lita and Chris decided to quickly cancel the plan. If Stephanie and Helms finally broke up, Edge and Torrie would end up picking up the pieces.

Lita and Chris had to have another talk to Edge and Torrie, and quick! This time, Chris was to talk to Edge, and Lita to Torrie.

'Chris. What's up, man?'

'Hey, Edge. We need to talk.'

'Oh, about what?'

'Well…you.'

'Me?'

'Yeah.' Chris grinned. 'Guess who I heard had the hots for you?'

Edge smiled hopefully. 'Steph?'

He couldn't stop the jealous frown appearing. The other Canadian was half right. Stephanie _did_ like Edge. Crap! 'Um…no.'

Edge frowned back at him, disappointed. 'Oh. Okay then.'

'Don't you want to know who it is?'

'Not really.'

Chris forced a cheerful smile on his face. 'I'll tell you anyway. It's Torrie.'

*

Chris threw his arms around Lita, spinning her around. 'It worked! This is fantastic!'

Lita laughed. 'Torrie actually likes Edge a lot as well, so she didn't take much convincing.'

He rolled his eyes. 'Edge took forever to convince. I had to take him to a bar, get him drunk, which cost me a pretty penny, and then get him to finally stop thinking about _my_ Steph, and about Torrie. How come you always get the easy jobs?'

She grinned. 'That's cos I'm cool.'

'Whatever.'

'So, what's the next plan?'


	3. Plan Two - Operation Owwie!

** Mix n Match **

Plan Two – Operation Owwie!

The opportunity to deploy their second plan came much faster than expected. But it was good. The sooner it was done, the sooner Stephanie and Helms broke up, and the sooner he could be with Stephanie. Oh, and yeah, Lita with Helms.

Sort of fortunately, Lita had indeed injured herself for real. It wasn't bad, just a little sprain of the ankle, but it was enough. Because Lita and Helms were already friends, it was only natural that he would check up on her.

Lita smiled up at him, a picture of innocence. Chris had to force himself to not roll his eyes. 'Oh, Greg. It's so sweet of you to come check up on me.'

Helms smiled down at her. 'Why shouldn't I? We're friends.' He leaned down so that they were face to face. 'Does it hurt much?'

It was obvious the poor girl couldn't speak. She just nodded.

'Um…hi,' a timid voice said from the doorway.

Chris whirled around to face her. Stephanie. Wow. She was looking really good. He had a greeting ready on his lips, but when she turned and graced him with a soft smile, the words stuck to his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Helms stand and walk towards her, greeting her with a kiss.

Damn, why hadn't he thought of that?

Stephanie pulled away with a satisfied sigh, and turned to face Lita. The two were slowly becoming friends. 'Lita, hey. How are you feeling?'

'Oh, not that good.'

Stephanie looked at her sympathetically. Did she have to keep her arms around Helms? Honestly! 'Maybe you need to get that seen to by a doctor or something?'

'Yes, I think so,' Lita agreed readily, her eyes straying to Helms.

Chris didn't blame her. He couldn't keep his eyes off Stephanie.

'Jericho, you guys have a rental, right?' That was Helms.

Chris turned to the other man, fighting the urge to punch him. Did he _really_ have to keep his arms around Stephanie for so long? 'Oh, actually, I caught a cab. Was running late.'

Stephanie turned to Helms. 'Honey, why don't you take her?'

It was working perfectly! Chris and Lita had been watching the two of them a lot lately that they both knew quite most of their routine already. Stephanie _always_ rented a car to transport herself from the hotel to the arena as she often stayed behind late. She and Helms had also taken up to travelling together.

'But how are you going to get back to the hotel?' Helms asked worriedly.

'I'll be fine.'

'Oh, I rented a car,' Lita quickly spoke up. 'We can take that?'

'But-'

'There you go,' Stephanie interrupted her boyfriend with a smile. 'And Chris and I can take our rental to the hotel.'

Helms grinned down at his girlfriend. 'You sure this isn't some conspiracy to get rid of me?' he teased.

Stephanie grinned mischievously at Chris. 'Chris, I think we've been caught out.'

All Chris could do was grin back. Things were going absolutely perfect-

Just then, Jeffery Hardy rushed into the room and grabbed a set of keys lying on the bench beside Lita. 'Hey all,' he greeted them all quickly, just pausing long enough to flash each of them a smile. 'Lita, I'm really sorry, but I need the rental! Grab a ride with someone else, kay? Matthew's gotten his head stuck in bucket somehow, and I need to get him to the ER.'

Before anyone could protest, Jeffery was out the door and out of sight.

'Oo-kay…I guess it would be too late to ask him to wait?' Chris asked weakly, looking with a pained expression at Lita.

'I guess so,' Lita agreed, just as weakly.

'Well, we still have our rental,' Helms spoke up. 'Why don't we all go?'

'It looks like we'll have to,' Stephanie replied. 'We can't let Lita walk on that sprained ankle without getting someone to properly look at it.'

Lita shook her head. 'I don't want to put you guys out too much.'

'Not at all,' Helms said, smiling at her. 'Like I said, what are friends for?'

'_Numbskull,_' Chris thought. '_She wants to be more than just friends!_'

'I'll go get our stuff ready, okay?' Stephanie said. Helms leaned down for a quick kiss.

Chris vowed that next time he got within arm's length of Helms, he was going to punch him in the face. See how much kissing he does with a busted lip!

'We'll meet you outside with the car?' Helms said.

Stephanie nodded, and then finally left.

'Uh, Chris? Why don't you get our stuff ready?' Lita asked, turning to him with a pointed look on her face.

'Sure,' he agreed, trying to keep the growl out of his voice. He threw them a dirty look as Helms came around and wrapped an arm around Lita to help her to her feet.

'This ain't working for me,' Chris muttered to himself as he bent down and started collecting his and Lita's stuff. 'Next plan…next plan…'


	4. Plan Three – Operation Just Do Anything ...

** Mix n Match **

Plan Three – Operation Just Do Anything and Everything

Chris and Lita watched the couple closely, hoping that they weren't being too obvious. Stephanie leaned in, giving Helms a lingering kiss before rushing out of the hotel.

'Okay, this is your chance,' Chris whispered, giving Lita a little push from behind. 'Go for it! I'll see you at the arena!'

The plan was to spend as much time with their hopefully-soon-to-be other halves. It wasn't much, but it was a plan nonetheless. Anything to get Stephanie and Helms to break up.

'Hey, Stephanie!' Chris called out loudly, running as fast as he could towards her as she got ready to get into her rental car.

She straightened up and looked at him with confusion on her face. 'Chris?'

He tried to catch his breath, pretending that he hadn't been running flat out. 'Are you on your way towards the arena?'

She smiled, still obviously confused. 'Um, yeah. You need a lift?'

'_Thank you for saving me the trouble of having to ask!_' he thought with a bright smile. Out loud he said, 'Would you mind?'

His Stephanie smiled at him. 'Not at all. Hop on in!'

'Thank you!'

*

His car ride over with Stephanie had been very informative. He asked as many not-too-probing questions as he thought he could get away with and filed them away for later. She laughed at his lame jokes. She _laughed_! However, once they reached the arena, she had quickly excused herself to attend a meeting with her brother.

Chris waited impatiently for Lita to arrive, anxious for news on how things worked out between her and Helms. The whole hospital debacle hadn't worked as well as they had hoped, with Stephanie and Helms having been pretty much stuck at the hips together the whole time. Still, the four of them managed to become even closer friends. That had to count for something, right?

Finally, Lita arrived. With a major scowl on her face.

'Uh oh. What happened?' he asked, looking concerned.

'Guess who tagged along for a ride over? Stupid Jeffery and stupider Matthew! I swear, those two are out to seriously mess up everything!'

But Chris remembered _his_ ride to the arena, and he had to smile. 'Are you going to ask about how I went?'

'No.'

'Come on.'

'No. I think I can pretty much work it out by the stupid smile on your face.'

'Ask me.'

'No!'

'Ask!'

Lita sighed. 'Fine. How'd you go?'

'Fantastic!'

*

Damn! Too bad his 'fantastic!' luck didn't last for the next time they tried out the plan again. Stephanie had talked to her brother about having meetings so early, and now she and Helms were back to catching lifts to the arena and back again to their hotel together.

'We need to spend time with them,' Lita insisted. 'Otherwise, how are they going to fall under our charms?'

'Well, help me think of stuff. I'm willing to do almost anything and everything,' Chris sighed. The sad thing was, he meant it. Boy, he _really_ wanted Stephanie!

'We need something that will have them completely apart from each other, but not be too obvious that I'm there to see Greg, and you to see Steph.' She paused, frowning at him. 'That made sense, right?'

'It did,' he assured her. He frowned, thinking. Something that would keep Stephanie and Helms apart, but not cause any suspicion when Lita rocks up to see Helms, and he to see Stephanie.

'I know! Training!' Lita cried out triumphantly, her face lighting up. 'Find out when and where Greg does his training, and I'll just conveniently be feeling like some exercise as well.'

'But what about me and Steph?' Chris pouted.

'You think of something!'

'Um…does she like shopping?'

'What rich girl doesn't?'

'Okay, well, how about when she goes shopping I could, you know, bump into her at the mall or something. Would she mind?'

Lita shrugged. 'Probably not. I mean, we're all pretty good friends now, right?'

And therein lay their problems…

*

'Chris?'

Chris turned to face the voice, plastering a look of surprise on his face. 'Steph! Hi!'

She smiled brightly at him. 'Hey! This was the last place I'd expected to see you?'

He looked sheepishly at her. 'Um, yeah. My Mom's birthday is coming up and I actually want to put some thought into her present this year.'

'That's very sweet of you, Chris,' she said.

He loved how easily she said his name. 'Well, considering how she always mentions the fifteen and a half hours of labour she went through to have me, I thought it was the least I could do.'

She laughed. Stephanie _laughed_! 'Got any ideas of anything that says 'Thanks for putting up fifteen and a half hours of pain to bring me into this world' yet?'

Chris grinned back. 'Actually, the best I've found covers only about three hours.'

Stephanie raised one perfect eyebrow. 'Need help?'

He put his most pathetic face on. 'Please?'

'Hey, Chris!' a chirpy voice greeted happily from his left side. 'What are you doing here?'

'_Oh no…_' Chris forced down a groan as he turned to face the newcomer. 'Hey, Molly.'

*

'I _hate_ Jeffery! I _hate_ Matthew!'

Chris rolled his eyes. 'The terrible two strike again?'

'Greg is showing me how to do a proper sleeper hold-'

'But you already know how to do it.'

Lita glared at him. 'It doesn't matter anyway. Jeffery and Matthew showed up only seconds later, and proceeded to act like total jerks!'

He dropped his head onto his chest, sighing. 'We really need to get serious.' He glanced at the package beside him, looking up at her again. 'Oh, by the way, you wouldn't happen to be in need of a present that says 'Thanks for going through fifteen and a half hours of pain to bring me into this world', would you?'

If possible, her glare became even more…glarey. 'What's our next plan?'


	5. Plan Four – Operation Do The Date

** Mix n Match **

Plan Four – Operation Do The Date

'This is going to be the hardest to set up,' Lita said, looking at him with more than a little bit of nervousness.

'Understatement,' he replied simply. Chris took a deep breath. 'It's best if we get started on it as soon as possible. I think it would be best if you talked to Steph, and I to Helms. That way, it wouldn't be super obvious when we bump into them.'

'Good idea. Next, we need to set up the two dates, something close to each other, but not too close if they compare notes.'

'Man, this is _way_ too much trouble,' Chris said, shaking his head. 'I mean, why don't I just-'

'_No_ kidnapping!'

'Fine!'

'Good!'

'Okay!'

'Shut up.'

'You shut up.'

They looked at each other, and then burst out laughing.

'Come on, find out where we're going to be next week, and find a couple of decent restaurants.'

*

'Hey, Helms!'

'Hi, Chris. What's up?'

He acted nervous. 'Well…there's something I want to tell you, but I'm not sure I should.'

Helms raised an eyebrow. 'Okay…what does this have to do with?'

'Stephanie.'

A surprised look came over his face. 'Steph?'

'Yeah. The reason why she doesn't want to go out with you next Wednesday night-'

'_What?!_' he interrupted, looking stunned. 'What do you mean she doesn't want to go out Wednesday night?'

This was the trickiest part of the plan. Making it seem like a date that didn't yet exist was being planned. 'Oh…I…I mean, I heard that you guys were going out for something special next Wednesday?'

'No, we hadn't even planned that far ahead yet.'

'Oh, okay then. Well…bye!'

'No, wait! Come back!'

'Look, Helms, I really don't want to get between the two of you.' _Much_.

'_Why_ would she be planning a date next Wednesday? I thought she was going home on that day?'

'That's the whole idea. She wants you to think that she's going home, but she's actually planning to surprise you with a date.'

Helms looked closely at him. Uh oh…was his plan so easily see-through? 'Well, thank you for the info, but why exactly would you be telling me this? I mean, shouldn't you let her surprise me with this?'

'Aren't you going home on Wednesday as well? How could she surprise you with his if you aren't even around to be surprised?'

He looked thoughtful. 'Good point.'

Hook, line, sinker. Chris smiled at the other man. 'Just remember to ask surprised when she walks into the restaurant, okay?'

*

'How did you go?'

Lita shook her head. 'Man, that girl is one smart cookie! It took me forever to convince her to show up at the restaurant!'

Chris looked up from the note he was writing, smiling at her. 'This is going to work for sure, I just know it. It's fool proof. How can it _not_ work?'

'Oh, I can think of a few hundred reasons.'

'It's half full, Lita,' he reminded her. 'The cup is half full.'

'Whatever.'

Chris nodded at the piece of paper sitting in front of her. 'How's your note coming along?'

Lita looked down at it critically. 'Let's just hope she hasn't written him too many love letters for him to recognise her writing.'

He looked down at his own note, his thoughts echoing hers. This plan was pretty much their craziest, riskiest, most stupidest ever. It was also their big gun. It _had_ to work.

*

'Uh…Steph, is that you?'

Stephanie looked stunning in a simple evening dress, however, she looked quite forlorn sitting in a table at the intimate restaurant all by herself. She looked up at him. 'Chris? What are you doing here?'

'I met a couple of friends at the bar for some drinks.'

'Oh.'

He looked down in concern at her. 'Is everything okay?'

She glanced at the simple gold watch that adorned her wrist. 'Well, other than Greg being half an hour late for our supposed surprise date, and not even bothering to call me to tell me he isn't going to show up, everything is just lovely.'

'Well, maybe he's stuck in traffic?' he suggested. He couldn't make it too obvious that he was making a play for her.

'Or maybe his note was just a big joke!'

'Note?'

Stephanie nodded, staring at the elegant setting in front of her. 'Yeah. It was all secretive and unsigned, but I know it was him. He had been dropping hints about it all week.'

'Do you…I mean, would you like me to wait with you?' Chris offered, hoping he didn't sound too eager. 'After all, it's never any fun waiting all by yourself.'

She looked closely at him for a few moments, then finally nodded. 'Why don't you pull up a chair?'

He did as he was told. 'I'll leave as soon as Helms gets here,' he promised her, knowing he would never show up.

'Wait, what about your friends? And you're looking quite all dressed up tonight.'

Chris wanted to hit himself on the forehead as hard as he could. Why hadn't he and Lita covered that part? 'Um…uh…well, you see…my friends were actually trying to set me up on a date with this girl, that's why I'm dressed like this. And…and…you see, my friends…they kind of…well, they ditched me.'

He hoped it had sounded like he had been embarrassed about the situation, rather than having been making up some unintelligent excuse.

Stephanie smiled wryly at him. 'Friends, huh? Can't live with them, and that's why they're called housemates.'

Chris wasn't too sure what she was talking about, but he laughed nonetheless as he pulled up the chair opposite hers and sat down. It was more a laugh of relief than anything really. Things were going absolutely, splendidly perfect.

'Looks like it's just you and me then,' Stephanie said, looking at him across the extremely romantic setting.

He had been dreaming of this moment for such a long time, and it was now finally coming true. He opened his mouth to answer, when a shout from across the room interrupted him.

'Stephanie!'

Chris and Stephanie both stood up and looked towards the rude individual who would dare intrude upon his dream-come-true. His heart dropped. Helms. With an evening gown-ed Lita following close behind. He glanced at Stephanie, and was disheartened to realise that she was beaming towards her boyfriend.

'Greg!'

Helms reached Stephanie, kissing her deeply before wrapping her tightly in his arms. Across them, Chris's eyes locked with Lita's, and he imagined his face mirrored hers. Angry, jealous, frustrated, and _extremely_ disappointed.

'Ohmigod, what happened?' Stephanie asked when the two finally managed to break away from each other.

'I went to the wrong restaurant. I was getting worried when you were late, and then Lita showed up and she told me that there was another restaurant in the city called _Lili's_. The one I went to was spelt with two l's.'

'How strange. But we're together now, and that's all that matters,' Stephanie said happily.

Helms turned to look at him. Finally. Chris was almost beginning to feel unwanted with the other man totally not acknowledging his presence. 'Hey, Chris.'

'Helms,' he greeted, forcing himself a smile.

'And Lita,' Stephanie greeted the other woman. 'Well…why don't we make this into a double date?'

Helms nodded enthusiastically. 'That would be a great idea!'

Lita smiled, although it was a shade too bright. 'Yeah, great!'

Chris walked over towards his friend, taking her by the elbow. 'What did you do?' he demanded.

'It wasn't my fault,' she whispered back. 'He just looked so lost and confused, and _so_ adorable, and I couldn't let him go thinking that Steph would ditch him. He looked really upset!'

But Chris wasn't too angry. Seeing Stephanie's melancholy face had been more than enough for him to change his mind about the whole plan as well. Chicks were way too easily susceptible.

'Well, it looks like we're out of plans,' he muttered under his breath.


	6. Plan Five – Operation Desperate Fools

** Mix n Match **

Plan Five – Operation Desperate Fools

Having been completely embarrassed by Stephanie and Helm's blatantly trying to set him up with Lita, Chris had decided to stay away from the 'happy couple' for a few weeks. He hoped it would get the outrageous notion out of their heads!

He was pretty much at the end of his rope, unsure of what else to do. Well, there was always that kidnapping idea. Surely that would work? After Stephanie was done with the screaming, the cursing, and the inevitable face slapping, things would calm down, and Chris would get his chance to plead his case.

And then, _finally_, the woman of his dreams would fall happily into his arms. Yeah. And Taka Michinoku was about to become the best WWF Champion in history.

Chris sighed, shouldering his bag. It was a little early, but he'd had his match and he didn't feel like hanging around to watch the little love-fest between the newly engaged Trish Stratus and Jeffery Hardy.

His rental car – he had decided that _that_ plan was never going to work – was parked at the very end of the row of cars, at the very end of the lot. There wasn't even any lights to show him the way. However, he didn't miss the figure walking in the same direction.

Chris quickened his pace, hoping to catch up with the person. A woman, it seemed, from the way her hips swayed. A _very_ familiar sway. His heart started beating wildly as his head started thinking crazy thoughts. He was going to be put away for life, he knew.

But before he could change his mind, he acted quickly. Hurrying towards the woman, he grabbed her from behind, rushing her towards his rental car. Clamping his hands none too gently over her mouth, he quickly unlocked the door and threw her in, pushing her towards the passenger seat even as he climbed into the car. Simultaneously starting the engine and shoving his bag into the back, Chris reversed and squealed out of the car park.

'What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?' Stephanie demanded angrily, a hint of fear in her tone.

He had to speak quickly. 'Steph, I'm sorry! I really am!'

'Chris?!'

'Yeah, hi. Look, I need you to listen to me, okay? That's all. Just listen.' He had to take a deep breath, turning a corner sharply to avoid having to stop at the red light. She might jump out of the car. 'I love you! I'm _in_ love with you, and I have been for a long time!'

'Well, you certainly have an interesting way of showing it!'

'I'm sorry for scaring you, but well, call it temporary insanity.'

'No, I call it five years. Minimum.'

'Wait, just hear me out, okay? I'm deeply, intensely, crazy in love with you. I, Chris Jericho, love you, Stephanie McMahon. I love you. I do. I love you. I don't want to break you and Helms up- Well, not really, but you seem quite happy with him. The point is, I love you. And I want you. I love you, Steph!'

To his astonishment, she started laughing. 'Chris, I heard you the first time.'

Still wary about having to stop, he quickly turned a corner again. 'What?'

'I heard you the first time. You can slow down a little now. I won't jump out, I promise.'

Chris did as he was told, glancing briefly at her in disbelief. 'I…I guess I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.'

'That's sweet, Chris.'

He sighed heavily. 'But you're in love with Helms. Okay, I get that.'

'No, I'm not. Actually, we broke up last night.'

Chris's hands jerked the wheel in shock, and he slammed the brakes on, narrowly missing a parked car. Fortunately, there was very little traffic at that time. '_What?!_'

'Um, yeah. We decided that things didn't seem to be working too well between us.'

His heart was thumping hard against his chest. 'Oh.'

'That, and I'm kind of interested in someone else.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'Oh.'

'So…'

'So…I guess I should take-'

'Chris, aren't you going to ask?'

'Ask what?'

Stephanie rolled her eyes. 'God, men can be so dense sometimes!'

He was utterly confused. He had just made a major fool of himself, and he was thinking of ways to kill himself. He wasn't in any mood to think about how stupidly laughable she thought of him. 'What?'

She shook her head. 'What do you say we go back and you drop me back at the car park so I can get my rental?'

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. 'Okay.'

*

Chris opened the door to his hotel room, and was surprised to see Lita with a huge smile on her face. 'Hey,' he greeted unenthusiastically

'Guess what?!' she exclaimed excitedly, rushing into the room and facing him.

'What?'

'Oh, you would _never_ believe what just happened to me!'

'What? Oh, by the way, Steph and Helms aren't together anymore,' he informed her.

'Yeah, I know!'

Chris stared at her. 'Then why didn't you tell me?'

'I just found out like an hour ago. Greg and I were taking the elevator up, and I don't know, I lost my mind for a second. I pressed the emergency stop button, and I told him about how I felt about him. And guess what happened next?'

'He asked you out on a date? He fell happily into your arms? You made babies on the floor?'

'The first one, followed by the second one, and I'm planning on doing the third one.'

Chris's eyes widened in shock. 'But-'

'Which means, Stephanie is free! So, what are you waiting for? Go to her!'

'But-'

'Go!'

'Li-'

'Now!'

*

Chris waited nervously for the door to open, hoping he wasn't too late. Sounds of shuffling, a loud thump followed by a curse, and then finally some barely audible muttering were all heard from inside the room.

When the door opened, it revealed a sleepy looking Stephanie. 'Chris? What are you doing here?'

'I need to ask you a question.'

'What time is it?'

'Um…nearly three thirty.'

'Can't it wait?'

'No. I'll be quick, I promise.'

She muttered something under her breath that sounded a little like 'I hope not.' But he couldn't be sure, so he ignored it.

'What is it?' Stephanie asked more loudly, shaking her head and waking herself up fully.

'Who is it?'

'Who is what?'

'You said, before, that you were interested in someone else. Who is it?'

'_That's_ what you woke me up to ask me?'

'Yeah.'

Stephanie looked thoughtfully at him for a minute, and he began to get nervous under her gaze. She smiled slyly, stepping aside as she opened the door wider. 'Why don't you come in and find out?'

Chris smiled.

The End


End file.
